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Postby winter » Sun Oct 16, 2005 5:13 pm

Once upon a time there was this guy named Chris. He was walking down the road and saw a light at the end of the road. He quckly runs towards the light and suddenly, he wakes up having dreamt it all along. He gets out of his bed and walks into the bathroom. He looks at himself in the mirror and makes a few silly faces at himself. Then he shakes his head and said, "Damn that was a wierd dream." After this, Chris walks outside and makes his way to the road. He was walking down the road and saw a light at the end of the road. He quckly runs towards the light and suddenly, he wakes up having dreamt it all along. He gets out of his bed and walks into the bathroom. He looks at himself in the mirror and makes a few silly faces at himself. Then he shakes his head and said, "Damn that was a wierd dream." After this, Chris walks outside and makes his way to the road. He was walking down the road and saw a light at the end of the road. He quckly runs towards the light and suddenly, he wakes up having dreamt it all along. He gets out of his bed and walks into the bathroom. He looks at himself in the mirror and makes a few silly faces at himself. Then he shakes his head and said, "Damn that was a wierd dream." After this, Chris walks outside and makes his way to the road. He was walking down the road and saw a light at the end of the road. He quckly runs towards the light and suddenly, he wakes up having dreamt it all along. He gets out of his bed and walks into the bathroom. He looks at himself in the mirror and makes a few silly faces at himself. Then he shakes his head and said, "Damn that was a wierd dream." After this, Chris walks outside and makes his way to the road. He was walking down the road and saw a light at the end of the road. He quckly runs towards the light and suddenly, he wakes up having dreamt it all along. He gets out of his bed and walks into the bathroom. He looks at himself in the mirror and makes a few silly faces at himself. Then he shakes his head and said, "Damn that was a wierd dream." After this, Chris walks outside and makes his way to the road. He was walking down the road and saw a light at the end of the road. He quckly runs towards the light and suddenly, he wakes up having dreamt it all along. He gets out of his bed and walks into the bathroom. He looks at himself in the mirror and makes a few silly faces at himself. Then he shakes his head and said, "Damn that was a wierd dream." After this, Chris walks outside and makes his way to the road. He was walking down the road and saw a light at the end of the road. He quckly runs towards the light and suddenly, he wakes up having dreamt it all along. He gets out of his bed and walks into the bathroom. He looks at himself in the mirror and makes a few silly faces at himself. Then he shakes his head and said, "Damn that was a wierd dream." After this, Chris walks outside and makes his way to the road. He was walking down the road and saw a light at the end of the road. He quckly runs towards the light and suddenly, he wakes up having dreamt it all along. He gets out of his bed and walks into the bathroom. He looks at himself in the mirror and makes a few silly faces at himself. Then he shakes his head and said, "Damn that was a wierd dream." After this, Chris walks outside and makes his way to the road. He runs across the street and a car hits him, killing him dead!

Question...What was the Moral of the story?

Answer...Look both ways before you cross the street.
“Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

-My dear buddy, Pat Robertson
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Postby heavymetal crickit » Sun Oct 16, 2005 5:20 pm

now thats a good story, but i always look both ways before i cross the road
Taste the sting of your arrogance
Stuck in this screeching bitch called life
Drop the coins and send you to Charon.
I will have my vengeance
In this life or the next.
Well, I've got a sucker to punch
And a back to stab
A head to kick in
And a throat to toslit.
I've got a job to do
Harsh and unrepentant.
Step back before you're the next to get served
With some Southern hospitality.


Lamb of God and Opeth are Godz of Metal
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Postby winter » Mon Nov 14, 2005 8:56 pm

Thats fine, I'll catch you slippin' one day.
“Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

-My dear buddy, Pat Robertson
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Postby Yodi » Wed Nov 16, 2005 11:12 am

winter wrote:Finally, the president looks up and asks, "For God's sake! How many is a brazillion?"


I actually laughed out loud - at my desk - on the job - surrounded by people who were really working. how embarrasing. that's truly the funniest joke I'll be telling today.
Remember, no matter where you go; there you are.
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Postby winter » Wed Nov 16, 2005 11:45 pm

A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices that a rather
sexy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello
to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him,
and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from,
so he says "Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the
father of one of my children."

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful.
He says, "Are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I
screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends while your
girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my
butt?"


"No,she replies, I'm your son's English Teacher
“Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

-My dear buddy, Pat Robertson
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Postby winter » Wed Nov 16, 2005 11:45 pm

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"
“Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

-My dear buddy, Pat Robertson
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Postby winter » Wed Nov 16, 2005 11:55 pm

A young guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to line up 9 shots for him. After the drinks are poured the guy downs them one after another, faster than the bartender has ever seen anyone drink before. Suprised at the mans speed the bartender says "Wow! I've never seen anyone drink like that before. What are you celebrating?"

"My first blowjob." says the young man.

"Well, in that case, here have one more. On the house." Says the bartender.

"No thanks. The first 9 didnt get the taste out of my mouth, I doubt one more's gonna help."
“Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

-My dear buddy, Pat Robertson
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Postby winter » Wed Nov 16, 2005 11:56 pm

Hey Chris!

Yo mama's so big her belly button's got an echo.
Yo mama's so big she cant wear an X jacket cause choppers keep landing on her back
Yo mama's so big she uses I-95 for a Slip 'n Slide
Yo mama's so big that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"
Yo mama's so big when she goes to the movie theatre she sits next to everybody.
Yo mama's so big when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway
Yo mama's so big, it takes her 2 hours just to haul ass.
Yo mama's so fat a picture of her would fall off the wall!
Yo mama's so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat butt out of the way.
Yo mama's so fat at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
Yo mama's so fat every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
Yo mama's so fat her blood type is ragu
Yo mama's so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.
Yo mama's so fat her yearbook picture is an arial
Yo mama's so fat if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!
Yo mama's so fat if she wears fishnet stockings, they'd better be 50 pound test!
Yo mama's so fat if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance!
Yo mama's so fat n black she jumped in the ocean and they thought she was an oil spill
Yo mama's so fat she broke her leg and gravy dripped out
Yo mama's so fat she bungee jumped and went straight to hell
Yo mama's so fat she can't even tie her own shoes.
Yo mama's so fat she can't reach her back pocket.
Yo mama's so fat she can't wear Dazzey Dukes. She has to wear Boss Hoggs
Yo mama's so fat she dries her pants in the driveway
Yo mama's so fat she eats biscuits like tic tacs
Yo mama's so fat she eats wheat thicks.
Yo mama's so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama's so fat she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!
Yo mama's so fat she got hit by a truck and asked "Who threw that rock?"
Yo mama's so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Yo mama's so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Yo mama's so fat she has more nooks and crannies than Thomas' English Muffin.
Yo mama's so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo mama's so fat she influences the tides.
Yo mama's so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama's so fat she measures 36 24 36, and the other arm is just as big
Yo mama's so fat she plays hopscotch like this: LA, Detroit, Chicago, NY ..
Yo mama's so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo mama's so fat she sat on a quarter and squished a booger out of George Washington's nose
Yo mama's so fat she sat on the corner and the police came & said "break it up!"
Yo mama's so fat she shows up on radar.
Yo mama's so fat she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H D
Yo mama's so fat she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out
Yo mama's so fat she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks
Yo mama's so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo mama's so fat she uses a pillow case as a sock.
Yo mama's so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
Yo mama's so fat she wears a VCR for a beeper.
Yo mama's so fat she went to a Chinese Restaurant and ordered a 40oz. of gravy
Yo mama's so fat she's on both sides of the family
Yo mama's so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
Yo mama's so fat that when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas.
Yo mama's so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo mama's so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
Yo mama's so fat they had to baptize her at Sea World
Yo mama's so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
Yo mama's so fat uses blanket as a washcloth
Yo mama's so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo mama's so fat when i took her to the beach, little keds surron "Free Willy, Free WIlly"
Yo mama's so fat when she backs up she beeps
Yo mama's so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Yo mama's so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
Yo mama's so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Yo mama's so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama's so fat when she sits around the house she REALLY sits AROUND the house
Yo mama's so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama's so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
Yo mama's so fat when she wears a red dress people yell "Hey Kool Aid .."
Yo mama's so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Yo mama's so fat when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her ass back in the water.
Yo mama's so fat when the bitch goes to an all You can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo mama's so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Yo mama's so fat you smell like bacon at 90 degrees
Yo mama's so fat, when she travels, she's gotta make two trips.
Yo mama was so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
“Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

-My dear buddy, Pat Robertson
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Postby winter » Thu Nov 17, 2005 12:01 am

Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?
“Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

-My dear buddy, Pat Robertson
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Postby Yodi » Thu Nov 17, 2005 11:19 am

I had an image I was going to submit but couldn't figure out how to do it... you'll just have to tke my word for it. It's a christmas light deer strung up for butchering with red lights pouring out of it's belly & in a puddle under it on the lawn.
Remember, no matter where you go; there you are.
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