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Postby Ronquistador » Thu Dec 15, 2005 8:38 pm

Ever wished you could immediately
take the words back...or that you could crawl into
a hole? Here
are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
three kids in
tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a
shampoo and
a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out
and never went
back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew


I was at the golf store comparing different kinds
of golf
balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had
been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was
approached by one of
the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if
he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at
him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."


My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a
store that
sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were
looking at the
display case, the boy behind the counter asked if
we needed any
help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your
nuts." My sister
started to laugh hysterically, The boy grinned, and
I turned
beet-red and walked away. To this day, my Sister
has never let
me forget.


While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was
finally able
to grab hold of her after receiving looks of
disgust and
annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if
she did not
start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror,
she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening,"If you don't let me go right now, I
will tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last
night!" The
silence was deafening after this enlightening
exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered
up! the last of
my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in
tow.The last thing I heard when the door closed
behind me, were
screams of laughter.


Have you ever asked your child a question too many
times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty
training and
I was on him constantly.One day we stopped at Taco
Bell for a
quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy,
with a full
dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny,
so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter,
and she was
clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to
go potty in
a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he
said "No". I
kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident, and I
don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you
SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he
replied. I just
KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the
smell was
getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you
have an accident?" This time he jumped up,yanked
down his pants,
bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE
FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on
their tacos
laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat
down. An old
couple made me feel better by thanking me for the
best laugh
they'd ever had!


This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for
2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the
future, likely think before she speaks. What
happens when you
predict snow but don't get any....a true story...
We had a
female news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
asked: "So
Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last
night?" Not only
did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did
too they
were laughing! so hard!
"Hooray for me and to hell with you!"
-Mr Nunally... RIP
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Postby Ronquistador » Thu Dec 15, 2005 8:38 pm


> A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
> After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
> The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous On the
> pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
> get nervous, I take a sip."
> So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
> At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
> He proceeded to talk up a storm.
> Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
> note on the door:
> 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
> 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
> 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
> 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
> 5) Jacob! wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
> 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
> 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior
> and the spook.
> 8 David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
> 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
> say he was stoned off his ass.
> 10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
> 11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and
> eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .
> 12) The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
> 13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
> the grub, Yeah God.
> 14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a
> peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
"Hooray for me and to hell with you!"
-Mr Nunally... RIP
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