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Postby winter » Sat Oct 08, 2005 3:47 pm

FOR GUYS TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
----------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.
----------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to
stand closer to the kitchen sink.
----------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
----------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
----------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, whom do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
----------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
--------------------------------------
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
----------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
---------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
----------------------------------------
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
----------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God
created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then,
neither God nor Man has rested.
------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
----------------------------------------
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo
Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
----------------------------------------
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
----------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted"
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all
said the same thing: "You can have mine."
----------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
it once.
----------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a baldhead and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
“Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

-My dear buddy, Pat Robertson
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Postby winter » Sat Oct 08, 2005 3:54 pm

Donald Rumsfeld is giving President Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the president exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, and watch nervously as the president sits, head in hands.

Finally, the president looks up and asks, "For God's sake! How many is a brazillion?"
“Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

-My dear buddy, Pat Robertson
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Postby winter » Sat Oct 08, 2005 3:56 pm

Two men are sitting at the bar at the top of the Empire State Building
drinking, when the first man turns to the other one and says, "You
know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this
building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the wind around the
building is so intense that it carries you around the building and back
into the window."

The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar,
but says nothing. The second guy says, "What? Are you insane? There's
no way in hell that could happen!"

"No, it's true," said the first man, "let me prove it to you."

He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony and plummets toward the
street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him
around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes
the elevator back up to the bar. He meets the second man, who is
astonished.

"You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must've been a
one-time fluke. That was scientifically impossible!"

"No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps. Again, just
as his body hurtles towards the street, the 10th floor wind gently
carries him around the building and into the window. He takes the
elevator back to the bar. Once upstairs, he successfully urges his
dubious fellow drinker to try it.

"Well, what the heck," the second guy says, "I've seen that it works,
so I'll try it!" He immediately jumps over the balcony - plunges
downward - rapidly passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors ...his body
hits the sidewalk with a loud "splat."

Back upstairs, the bartender who had been silent the whole time turns
to the first drinker, and shakes his head. He says, "You know,
Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."
“Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

-My dear buddy, Pat Robertson
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Postby insanehippie » Sun Oct 09, 2005 12:34 am

winter wrote:Lets just say for fun that you and I are farmers, and it just so happens that our farms are right next door to each other. You raise donkeys, and I raise chickens. One day my prize rooster hops the fence and one of your donkeys eats the feet off of my rooster.

Do you know what you have?

That's awesome!















Two feet of my cock up your ass!
http://www.boldconservative.com - A proud Red State Conservative, and Un-Reconstructed Southerner!
God Bless the Troops.
"Why not the Time Cube?" The only reason is educated stupidity. -TimeCube.com
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Postby insanehippie » Sun Oct 09, 2005 12:37 am

winter wrote:FOR GUYS TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES

----------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.
----------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
it once.
----------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a baldhead and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.


This is some of the funniest stuff I've read in a long time! Thank you!

-Jesse
http://www.boldconservative.com - A proud Red State Conservative, and Un-Reconstructed Southerner!
God Bless the Troops.
"Why not the Time Cube?" The only reason is educated stupidity. -TimeCube.com
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Postby insanehippie » Sun Oct 09, 2005 12:39 am

winter wrote:Two men are sitting at the bar at the top of the Empire State Building
drinking, when the first man turns to the other one and says, "You
know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this
building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the wind around the
building is so intense that it carries you around the building and back
into the window."

The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar,
but says nothing. The second guy says, "What? Are you insane? There's
no way in hell that could happen!"

"No, it's true," said the first man, "let me prove it to you."

He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony and plummets toward the
street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him
around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes
the elevator back up to the bar. He meets the second man, who is
astonished.

"You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must've been a
one-time fluke. That was scientifically impossible!"

"No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps. Again, just
as his body hurtles towards the street, the 10th floor wind gently
carries him around the building and into the window. He takes the
elevator back to the bar. Once upstairs, he successfully urges his
dubious fellow drinker to try it.

"Well, what the heck," the second guy says, "I've seen that it works,
so I'll try it!" He immediately jumps over the balcony - plunges
downward - rapidly passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors ...his body
hits the sidewalk with a loud "splat."

Back upstairs, the bartender who had been silent the whole time turns
to the first drinker, and shakes his head. He says, "You know,
Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."


This is funny as hell!
Good job Winter!
http://www.boldconservative.com - A proud Red State Conservative, and Un-Reconstructed Southerner!
God Bless the Troops.
"Why not the Time Cube?" The only reason is educated stupidity. -TimeCube.com
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Postby insanehippie » Sun Oct 09, 2005 12:40 am

winter wrote:Donald Rumsfeld is giving President Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the president exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, and watch nervously as the president sits, head in hands.

Finally, the president looks up and asks, "For God's sake! How many is a brazillion?"


HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
http://www.boldconservative.com - A proud Red State Conservative, and Un-Reconstructed Southerner!
God Bless the Troops.
"Why not the Time Cube?" The only reason is educated stupidity. -TimeCube.com
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Postby heavymetal crickit » Sun Oct 16, 2005 5:00 pm

This girl walks upstairs into a bar and sits next to this handsome guy, she asks him, "what are you drinking?" He replies, "I am drinking magic beer" The girl looks confused, "Magic beer, how is it magic?" He gives her a smile and says "Watch" He takes a gulp of his beer, runs and jumps out of the window and flies three times around the bar, he flies back through the window, "See, magic beer, go ahead and try it" So the girl takes a sip of the guys drink and hops out of the window and drops to the ground killing her. The bartender looks at the man and says "Your such an asshole when you are drunk, Superman!"
Taste the sting of your arrogance
Stuck in this screeching bitch called life
Drop the coins and send you to Charon.
I will have my vengeance
In this life or the next.
Well, I've got a sucker to punch
And a back to stab
A head to kick in
And a throat to toslit.
I've got a job to do
Harsh and unrepentant.
Step back before you're the next to get served
With some Southern hospitality.


Lamb of God and Opeth are Godz of Metal
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Postby winter » Sun Oct 16, 2005 5:03 pm

Hahaha, that's wonderful Crikit, did you make that up youself?
“Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

-My dear buddy, Pat Robertson
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Postby heavymetal crickit » Sun Oct 16, 2005 5:07 pm

I dont remember who told me that joke Eduardo
Taste the sting of your arrogance
Stuck in this screeching bitch called life
Drop the coins and send you to Charon.
I will have my vengeance
In this life or the next.
Well, I've got a sucker to punch
And a back to stab
A head to kick in
And a throat to toslit.
I've got a job to do
Harsh and unrepentant.
Step back before you're the next to get served
With some Southern hospitality.


Lamb of God and Opeth are Godz of Metal
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heavymetal crickit
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Posts: 281
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