Ever wished you could immediately
take the words back...or that you could crawl into
a hole? Here
are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
three kids in
tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a
shampoo and
a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out
and never went
back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew
better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds
of golf
balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had
been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was
approached by one of
the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if
he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at
him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a
store that
sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were
looking at the
display case, the boy behind the counter asked if
we needed any
help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your
nuts." My sister
started to laugh hysterically, The boy grinned, and
I turned
beet-red and walked away. To this day, my Sister
has never let
me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
decided
to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was
finally able
to grab hold of her after receiving looks of
disgust and
annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if
she did not
start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror,
she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening,"If you don't let me go right now, I
will tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last
night!" The
silence was deafening after this enlightening
exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered
up! the last of
my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in
tow.The last thing I heard when the door closed
behind me, were
screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many
times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty
training and
I was on him constantly.One day we stopped at Taco
Bell for a
quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy,
with a full
dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny,
so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter,
and she was
clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to
go potty in
a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he
said "No". I
kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident, and I
don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you
SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he
replied. I just
KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the
smell was
getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you
have an accident?" This time he jumped up,yanked
down his pants,
bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE
MOM, IT'S JUST
FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on
their tacos
laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat
down. An old
couple made me feel better by thanking me for the
best laugh
they'd ever had!
LAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for
2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the
future, likely think before she speaks. What
happens when you
predict snow but don't get any....a true story...
We had a
female news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
asked: "So
Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last
night?" Not only
did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did
too they
were laughing! so hard!